There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
