she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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