mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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