i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize