The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
