you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
