Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
