Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
