hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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