Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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