I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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