Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
