Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
