is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
