I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
