She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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