if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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