also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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