Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
