So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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