I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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