Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
