You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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