I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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