I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
