my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize