? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
