Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I could make wine with my vomit
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
