So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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