You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He shit in the fireplace
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
