I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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