you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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