Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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