gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
