Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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