i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
