well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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