What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
