Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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