covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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