Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
As shirtless as possible
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
