Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
