Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
