TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
