Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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