I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
