He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
