Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
