They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
