dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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