You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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