chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
