I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
