You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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