my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
