bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize