they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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