Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
