Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
