so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
