you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
