My hand turned me down
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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