He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
