How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
