hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
