she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
