He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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