God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
