Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
